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DJ Anfield and Cartoon Graphics.. Arsenal Documentary that will kill you from laughter!

Arsenal have given their fans plenty of reasons to be optimistic this season due to their pre-season results and victory over Crystal Palace, but they have given them plenty of reasons to worry about their new documentary.

The London club has announced the movie that tells everything that happened last season through “Amazon Prime” entitled “All or Nothing”, or everything or nothing.

In fact, the English club and the sponsoring company should have chosen a more realistic name, which is “All About Arteta” because it is the most appropriate description of the events and footage aimed at promoting the Spanish coach and his genius project as seen by the Gunners management.

Between sarcasm on social media, and endorsement backed by some denial of the many downsides, this documentary has come out as negative propaganda about what the Arsenal administration led by Josh Kroenke and Edu Gaspar is trying to do to convince fans that Arteta is inspiring and his path is the only path to glory.

And if you haven’t watched this documentary, don’t worry, one of them wasted 131 minutes of his time watching the first 3 episodes of it to show you its most important aspects.

So much about Arteta, little about the players

Gabriel Jesus Mikel ArtetaFC Arsenal

Like any football fan or follower, we watch the teams in a superficial way that does not reflect the reality they live behind the scenes, there are many secrets that we do not know, and everyone’s personalities remain mysterious and only what we see on the field or diplomatic statements in the media appears from them.

And when you decide to release a behind-the-scenes documentary, everyone wants to know who each player is, who’s fun, leadership, aloof, reckless, and all these different types of players, so the fans can get to know them more and be more connected to them.

But instead it was Arteta who was at the center of it all, Arteta did it and Arteta did it, he is the inspiring and the best who does everything on the right path and glows in the eyes of everyone who sees him, with so many stars in the team strangely sidelined.

There are mysterious figures in Arsenal, such as Granit Jaca, who every coach comes out to say is a leading player at the highest level, which is what Arteta himself said. Why did no behavior appear to justify this belief and bring the fans closer to Jaca? Maybe he’s already oppressed and people don’t get it right and just focus on his reckless nature on the court.

Arsenal chose Martin Odegaard as his captain, a decision that witnessed a state of controversy. Why did the documentary not show any situations or reasons that reveal the reason behind this choice, which surprised many followers? Perhaps because there are not enough reasons?

It is logical that the coach is the focus of the conversation as the leader of the project, but it is unreasonable that players such as Brazilian defender Gabriel, Thomas Partey and Gabriel Martinelli are not present in a film that tells one of their best seasons, to focus on every look and whisper made by Arteta, because he may simply leave At any time and the players would stay with the team, so this generation had to be highlighted enough, rather than a massive slate of motivational speeches and “I trust you, you’re great” speeches. Go ahead and fight for victory.

Sharp tone and artificial style

jesus saka arsenal(C)Getty Images

In the Arteta project at Arsenal, it used to be that in the event of defeat the praise goes mostly to the Spanish coach alone, but when the results deteriorate, the fingers point to the players, even though they are the ones who brought the team victories on many occasions.

This fact was embodied in the documentary as if it was a deliberate policy that should be established, when the results deteriorated in the first 3 matches, we found Edu Gaspar talking with CEO Vinay Venkatesham and club director Josh Kroenke, talking about the main reason behind the disaster.

Gaspar reviewed a board of the team’s players and said that the club needs to “clean” some places and pointed specifically to the right-back, which includes Cedric Soares, Callum Chambers, Ainsley Maitland Niles and Hector Bellerin, the quartet from which only one player, Chambers, has left.

How does it feel when you are an Arsenal player like Niles, Bellerin and Soares and find the club’s sporting director appearing in my document for everyone to watch to confirm his desire to “clean up” the team from you? Strange and unexplained tone.

Negative opinions about Arteta come in the film from angry audiences and some external elements, and they are in a context that shows the Spaniard as the person who responds to critics, while negative opinions about the players are internal and from Arteta himself.

After a period of reviewing the achievements of the Spanish coach and his extraordinary abilities, it was the turn to shed light on the players in the second episode of the north London derby, and we thought that finally the film would focus on the team’s stars, particularly the youngsters who represent the backbone of the club.

The shock was Arteta’s focus on describing Smith Roy as a shy player without self-confidence despite his distinguished footballing abilities, to show his keenness to help him go on the right path.

Ignoring so many stars apart from Bukayo Saka, Aaron Ramsdale and Jacka, we found Arteta awkwardly embarrassing Nicolas Pepe during a theory lecture, as if deliberately bringing out the worst in his players and taking credit for everything that went wrong with him alone.

The artificial style was also the main feature of the Arsenal documentary, it is clear that everyone knows there are cameras and says the required words according to the scenario that was set, which appeared every time Bukayo Saka, Edo and Arteta waited for a few seconds before answering a question or talking about anything.

Therefore, the spirit and spontaneity were clearly absent from this film, unlike what we saw in many other documentaries such as Jose Mourinho at Tottenham and Pep Guardiola with Manchester City.

Comedy break


Ted Lasso is a well-known American sitcom hired to run a British soccer team, lacking in knowledge and making up for it with optimism, determination and biscuits.

As for Mikel Arteta, he is a real character who gave us the same amount of comedy, perhaps more, he has some deficiencies in football knowledge “definitely better than Ted Lasso” and makes up for his deficiencies with graphics, flexing his muscles and constantly playing the role of inspiration.

It is incomprehensible that Arteta was keen and rushed to appear in the role of inspiring such as Jurgen Klopp, Pep Guardiola and Arsene Wenger, despite the need for these for many years to gain the necessary experience as an inspiration to play this role, but he tries too much and wants every word of him as a historical saying that preserves In folders for documentation.

There was a positive point in the first episode after facing Norwich City, which Arsenal won after 3 consecutive defeats at the beginning of the English Premier League, after he cited the special operations teams and underwent serious heart surgery as a child, in addition to motivating the club’s photographer for the players before the Tottenham derby.

But he spoils everything with an absurd spectacle of him drawing a heart and some other shapes on his dressing-room plan board, titled “Clarity, Enthusiasm, and Energy” and other human development terms communicated.

The players’ body language was clear, Ben White in a daze as if he was saying what he brought me to this team, Kieran Tierney does not understand what is happening and the same is true for Rob Holding, Martin Odegaard wishes to return to the Real Madrid bench, and Alexandre Lacazette as if he was suppressing laughter so as not to be punished.

Does Arteta really think that mature people of this age, some of them married with children, need expressive drawings to understand the necessity of using reason and feelings? An absurd scene that shows how naive the Spaniard is and his apparent lack of experience in dealing with players, because in 2022, if you put these cartoon shapes in front of children, they will laugh and make fun of you.

Not only Arteta, but his “crazy” idea was to bring speakers into the team’s training ground while playing Liverpool’s “You’ll Never Walk Alone”, in order to get a feel of the Anfield stadium before going there.

Gabriel Agbonlahor, former Aston Villa player, said of this behavior: “The Arsenal documentary is the most pathetic thing I’ve seen in a long time. It’s more funny than Kevin Hart’s comedy episodes, especially after he used loudspeakers in training to make the players feel the atmosphere of Anfield.”

He added, “What will Arteta do when he plays in Fenerbahce, Turkey, in the European League? Will he bring people to beat the drums and light the candles in training?”


It is understandable that Arteta wanted to help players resist the dread of Anfield as one of the most terrifying stadiums in the world, but it would have been better to put in the sounds of fans or continuous chants to match the same effect, but as expected his idea failed and Arsenal lost by four clean.

The worst thing about the movie is that it made Arsenal a subject of ridicule again, it made people think that everyone in the club lives in a fantasy world limited to feelings, positive feelings and buzzwords instead of actions and tangible successes, and despite all the futility we have seen, the Spaniard fans remain in denial for everything that happens.

negative publicity

Aubameyang Arsenal FC BarcelonaGetty Images

The film’s organizers used this event to publicize most of Arteta’s decisions inside and outside the stadium, the most important of which was the departure of Gabonese star Pierre Aubameyang last January to Barcelona, ​​so that the team spent the season without a striker and suffering from a clear offensive crisis.

It is strange for a club to talk about a player negatively in this way, which we will see extensively in the coming episodes, while forgetting that this player is the reason Arteta remained in his position from the ground up, by scoring 93 goals with Arsenal and leading the team “alone” to achieve the FA Cup Charity Shield Cup.

Aubameyang may have made a mistake during his time at Arsenal for disciplinary reasons, but the player did not speak badly of the club after his departure, but rather has a lot of positive feelings towards him and special ties with the fans who refuse to deny the favor, it could have been explained briefly, instead of showing muscles and singing courage And the historic decision made by Arteta to save the team is believed.

In fact, Arteta did not save Arsenal, but his arrogance forced the club to complete the season without a striker after the departure of Aubameyang to lose qualification for the Champions League, but the player’s contract was terminated and he was given 7 million pounds in compensation and paid his salary for 6 months with Barcelona.

Huge financial losses caused by the Spaniard, who could contain the player to complete the season and then sell him for up to 20 million pounds, but he turned the matter for a reason to show off, although it is considered negative publicity that may make any star think twice before playing for Arsenal and under the leadership of this the coach.

Arteta wanted to portray himself as an inspirational person who responds to critics in the strongest possible way, but he has made negative claims to himself, as a bossy person who claims inspiration and is rushed and inexperienced enough to control a club the size of Arsenal in this way.

For the first time in Arsenal’s history, we see the club delve into the biography of one of its former stars in this way, arguing that Arteta wanted to protect the traditions of the club that considers himself one of his legends by force, did Arsenal need that to prove something? Or was the review of what happened with Aubameyang in this way came to promote Arteta himself as a brave person who made a fateful decision, why did not talk about this important stage of the season in a way that explains the reasons for excluding the player without going into his reputation as if he had committed unforgivable crimes against humanity.

Absurdity continued the fake conversation between Mohamed Elneny and Rob Holding about Aubameyang after his exclusion, for Elneny to say that Arteta is a very brave coach after this decision, so that the absurd scenes that strike all the principles of Arsenal will continue to disregard the service of the Spaniard, because it is the club that has always refused to abuse even its worst enemies in this frank way. , How about one of its stars and former leader.

In the end, we must ask ourselves, did the film succeed in achieving its goals, if the goal was to make the audience get a more accurate view of their team in an enjoyable way, then the answer is no, the film did not succeed but failed, but if the goal was to promote Arteta and paint it in the best picture to convince everyone He failed at that too!



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